Raleigh Moms Blog

FullSizeRender (7)Y’all. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed sharing this space, this time and my thoughts with you. It hasn’t been the same without a lovely place to connect. Unfortunately, as I mentioned in My Life vs. Writing about My Life, the little people have been busy taking up all of my time, all of my energy and all of the space in my head where my writing occurs. And, so I pulled back from Elle Bee Lovely. I let go for a little while. I accepted the happy chaos around me … even if that meant I stopped writing as much. This place will still remain and, hopefully, grow again soon! I have dreams and hopes for us!

In the meantime, you can find me over at Raleigh Moms Blog, where I’m a new contributor. Yay! I’m excited to be adding my voice to their collection of fun, inspiring women!

In their own words Raleigh Moms Blog is “more than just an awesome site providing entertaining content to moms in the Triangle and throughout the country, we hope to be a positive representation of the city we love!” I’m thrilled to be part of their growing them!

 

 

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My Life vs. Writing about My Life

I want to write. I do. I want to curl up with a hot cup of coffee and my computer. I want to sit and write and share my soul with you. I want to think and read and reflect and consider and ponder and imagine and … write. That’s what I want to do. But, I’m sure that my absence from the world of blogging would reveal that what I want isn’t always what happens. It’s, quite honestly, rarely what happens. That type of quiet time is simply a luxury that I currently don’t possess. And, it’s fine. I’ve accepted it. I like the happy chaos that surrounds me. But, quiet time to write is just a bit elusive. Which means less time for Elle Bee Lovely. Less time for you, my dears. Less time for me.

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I’ve been a Stay-At-Home-Mom for two years now. TWO YEARS! I can not believe it. Where did two years go?! It’s not possible. It’s just not. I remember my last day of work, walking to my car at the end of the day, walking away from my lovely team at The Green Kangaroo, as if it were just a few months ago. I was excited then, and maybe a tad apprehensive, for a new adventure with my babies. And, what an adventure it has been!! N was going on 3 then and A was still baking in my belly. Now, N will turn 5 (FIVE?!) late this summer and A will be 2. Time flies! I mean, it really flies, doesn’t it?! Sure, the days can be, at times, long. Some days, really long. But, even still, it goes quick. Staying at home is, well, not quite what I expected and exactly what I expected, if that makes sense. It is easily the hardest I’ve ever worked. Easily. And, maybe that’s because it’s so many roles in one and you never, ever go off the clock. And, I’m so invested in it. I love it. I’m rewarded by it. I care so much about it. I desperately want to get it right. The “SAHM” title makes me chuckle though. It’s not-so-accurate. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t spend much time thinking about that sort of thing. But, still … we don’t really “stay at home.” We go everywhere. We do all the things. My mom (who was also a SAHM) still talks about a male family friend who used to laugh when she’d say that she stayed home with her children and say, “Your house must be so clean! Do you just sit around and watch soap operas?” Clearly he had no clue. No. Clue. We go out and about nearly every day … parks, playgrounds, pools, libraries, play dates, Chick-fil-a, shopping, errands. We go out. And, some days, we don’t. Some days, we stay in. We (I) clean, we relax, we make messes, we do art projects, we color, we play, we build legos, we go for walks, we play outside, we make cookies, we read, we laugh, we dance, we watch movies, we kiss, we hug. Whether we are out or we’re at home, we are always doing something. It sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? I’m snorting a little as I write this, because it sounds so fun, so easy, so carefree. And, it is lovely. It is special. It is a blessing. But, it is not easy breezy. Because, in listing all the “fun” things that we get to do, I’ve left out all the other things — the tears that happen as we drive around town — the hundreds of cups of juice/milk/water that must be filled and not forgotten — the snacks and messes and spills that happen in the car — the kid who needs to pee just as we pull onto the highway — the other kid that howls like she’s being tortured most of the time that she’s in her carseat — the diapers that must be changed at the most inconvenient times — the lost pacifiers — how much you sweat as you are attempting to get everyone seated for what “appears” to be a simple lunch out — the boo-boos that must be kissed — the toys that are All Over The House at all times — the cleaning up and putting away that never ends — the laundry — the way everything seems to fall completely apart right as you are trying to fix lunch and dinner (don’t even get me started on dinner) — the silly battles that happen — and on and on and on. That list above, that sweet list of all the things we do … it needs to also include these: we cry, we yell, we argue, we sit in time-out, we make-up, we negotiate, we talk it out, we color on walls, we stomp our feet, we throw tantrums, some of us throw food, we use some mean words, we pray, we are sticky, we make other things sticky, we say “I’m sorry”, we pray some more, we love. We love. Through all things – we love. And, we sweat. Did I mention that? I had no idea. I was never much of a Sweaty Betty, but motherhood is sweaty. I’m not kidding. It’s one of those things that no one tells you. That kids make you sweat. You should know that. They should put that on the warning label that comes with the children. Ohhh wait, that’s right! 🙂 A few weeks ago N, A and I met a group from N’s awesome pre-school (Grow Pre-school, if you are curious) for a rainy morning at an indoor mall playground and a food-court lunch. As we struggled with our strollers and trays of food; as we struggled to get all of our children seated, to get their plastic placemats stuck down (only for them to be ripped right back up); as we struggled to get everyone’s meat cut and drinks handed out and to avoid ketchup spills; as we just struggled in general – I looked across the table at one of the other mommas and she, literally, had beads of sweat covering her forehead and another momma was fanning herself as sweat ran down her face, and it wasn’t even that hot. We were just … working hard. And, then, we finally get to eat … for 35 seconds and then someone has to pee again and then someone else is crying to get out of her highchair. So, yeah … it is the life of leisure …

Did I mention that I’ve been a SAHM for two years now?! Ha ha! Don’t get me wrong. I celebrate it. I do. It may be challenging. It may be hard. But, it’s beautiful. It’s my beautiful, messy adventure and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not anything.

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In trying to balance it, trying to figure it all out, I’ve let the writing (among a list of other things) slide. You’ll hear from me still. Just, less, for now. A is growing and napping less and demanding more. N is out of school for the summer. Any quiet time that I may have had, seems to have floated away and it’s remaining just beyond my grasp. And, yet, it’s okay. I’m allowing myself to be okay with it. Give yourself the gift of letting yourself off the hook. One can not do it all or have it all, despite what society may say. One still must prioritize. And, it’s just a season, remember. In the long run, this time will be a little sliver out of my life. Probably the best, most cherished, little silver. I’ll have plenty of “me time” in the years to come. This is my “momma with littles” season. I’m choosing to embrace it. Let’s embrace it. Let’s own it. Let’s roll with it. Let’s make it the best damn season under the sun!!!

Xoxo

MIA + Time Away

Yes, I’ve been a bit MIA. No, I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been brainstorming and list making. I haven’t even been dreaming and scheming (well, maybe just a little). I’ve just been …away. The littles and I have spent the past 2 weeks (yes, two) at my parent’s (Gram and Pops) house in WV. It’s been really, REALLY lovely. Sometimes it’s good to just let it all go for a while. To breathe deeper. To accept some help. To spend time with your family. To get back to your roots. To just … be.
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I pondered some things…

– I didn’t appreciate this view (photo taken on my parent’s deck) enough when I lived here. It’s really very lovely … especially first thing in the morning. Especially when the fog is still clinging to the air. Sweet baby A and I greeted several mornings with this beautiful sight.
– It truly does feel good to purge. There is something undeniably freeing about cleaning out, filling up trash bags and making space.
– It also feels good to find tokens from childhood that have long been forgotten.
– I think I might love being in my thirties.
– “Back where I come from” the people really are genuine. My home-state gets a bad rap, for a lot of different reasons, but the people are NICE. We encountered several super-friendly strangers who went out of their way to be kind and helpful to N, A or I. It was beyond refreshing.
– My children are in a good stage. Can we stay in this stage for a while? It’s a delight!
– I’m in a good stage too. I feel peace. I feel calm. I feel content. I feel a huge surge of happy. (I’m trying not to let that scare me.)
– I think the Lord has some awesome things in store for my family. I feel energized. I feel inspired. I feel hopeful.
– My husband is Uh-Mazingly talented, y’all. I always knew, I just didn’t KNOW. Just you wait! You are going be hearing more about R and the sweet projects he’s been working on soon. Stay tuned.
– It feels wonderful to be home (in the house I spent a good chunk of my life in) for so long.
– We (the littles and I) are beyond ready to see Daddy! We are headed back to good ‘ole NC tomorrow! (Prayers for safe travels.)
– In this quest to write from the heart; to be true to myself; to allow myself to be raw and honest with you; to be vulnerable and open — sometimes it means NOT writing. Sometimes I might step back and not write for a bit. I’m allowing myself that. With no apologies. With no worries about what it means for me, Elle Bee Lovely or you. Sometimes I might just not write. But, don’t you worry…I’ll always be back. With words and thoughts and dreams and feelings…the ones I feel AND the ones you feel too …