To My N, On His 4th Birthday

I have caught myself wistfully gazing at N on and off over the past few weeks …. And, yes, occasionally with tears in my eyes. I just can’t believe he’s 4. I just can’t grasp it. He’s my baby. Yet, he’s not a baby at all. He’s not even a toddler. He’s a kid. I have a kid. A kid who celebrated his 4th birthday with a Curious George party and 5 of his closest friends. A kid who is seriously as sweet as pie. A kid who stole his momma’s heart long ago. A kid who is full of surprises. A kid whose momma writes him birthday letters…

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To my Favorite Boy,

It’s your 4th birthday and there are things that I’d like to share with you. Things that one day, maybe you won’t remember. Things about your life right now, as you turn 4. Things your momma tells you now, but they just might matter more to you later.

First: You should know how positively crazy your daddy and I are about you. Yeah, I know we may act like you drive us crazy sometimes … and you do … which you should also know if perfectly normal and typical and we wouldn’t have it any other way. But, despite that, we adore you. We marvel at you. We are impressed by you. You are growing up and growing into yourself. God gave us YOU! And, we couldn’t be more thrilled. We see you. We like you. We love you.

Second: You are so sweet to me. You love me so much. I’ll always be grateful for your love. It’s the most special thing in my life. I never even knew, or imagined that a love like yours existed. You say you want to marry me. You say you love me to the moon. You say you’ll love me forever and ever. You say that you love me more than anyone else in the world. You melt me. My tears flow freely because my heart can’t hold all of the love you give me. Your love makes me strong. Your love makes me better. One day it won’t be like this. One day you’ll discover other interests or sports or friends or (gasp) other girls. One day I won’t be your whole world. Until then, I will CHERISH being your favorite – being the one you adore. I cherish it.

Third: You are seriously good at being a big brother. Maybe you don’t love to share. Who does? Maybe you get upset when A drools on your toys. Who wouldn’t? But, you sing to her in the cry when she’s upset. You sing, “Every little thing is gonna be okay.” You sing it over and over and over, in your sweet, magical voice. And, it works. It works almost every time. She stops crying, your little sister, and she watches you and listens to you. You soothe her.

Fourth: You still love George. He’s your guy. For an entire year, your stuffed Curious George has gone everywhere with us. And, I mean EVERYWHERE. He never stays behind. At first, he was your security. He helped you be brave when you felt shy, insecure, scared and worried. You needed him and he was there. Now, though, I see a shift. You don’t need George in the same way. You are becoming braver all on your on. You are changing. George is still there. He still goes everywhere with us, but it feels more like a habit. Part of your routine. The way things are done. I don’t think he’s your security anymore. I don’t think you need him. I think you’ve got this. You got this, my boy!

Fifth: You have a mind of your own. I’m not sure I need to say more. You pick out your “comfy” clothes each morning and you prefer matching … as in, orange on orange or head-to-toe green. You like things a certain way. You are Mr. Particular. Your imagination is really taking of now. I love watching this new change in you. Now, you spend your days stuck in a parallel universe somewhere between “real” and “pretend.” It’s pretty fun to witness.

Sixth: I think 4 is gonna be an awesome year. It’s only been one month, but already I sense a difference in you. Okay, I don’t just sense it … it’s plain as day. You are actually listening to me, responding, doing what I ask without complaining. Leaving me to stare at you with my mouth open wondering if someone has snatched my 3-year-old non-listener. Oh yeah. Someone has. It’s this 4-year-old. Hi, 4-year-old Noah. You. Are. Awesome.

Seventh: You are my best friend and one of the very greatest loves of my life. I thank God for you daily. I love you beyond measure.

Happy Birthday Love!

Love Always,  Your Momma

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2 thoughts on “To My N, On His 4th Birthday

  1. Thanks for this one Lori; it was beautiful really. I can “see” through your words into your heart and find mine there too in many ways. Obviously it’s different but I love you guys so much and Noah has always been so very special to us. He “weathers the storms” in admirable fashion and it makes you love him all the more. You capture all of that in your writing. Thank you for the “gift”.

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